It Was........

I have never feared the darkness, it was always my home. Home is where the heart is......I guess that means my heart was darkness. The darkness was my comfort zone, my lover, my friend and my confidant. No matter how many left my side, my darkness was always there. It was dependable. It was reliable. It was...........

I never stood in the light, too afraid of the flaws it would magnify. The light can kill a person, that is what I believed. The light can blind you to what is really there, the darkness. The light can make you believe in too much, hope, love, happiness......is any of it real? I was afraid of the light. No matter how many left my side, the light would always fade. It was shallow. It was temporary. It was.............

I have always embraced my pain, it was part of me. If you have only known pain, pain can not hurt you. A cut here, a slice there, what is the meaning of that which causes joy to you yet strikes fear and repulsion in the hearts of so many who don't wish to understand. How do you fix something that no one can see is broken? How do you mend a wound that no doctor can see? Pain was my mentor. It was my playground. It was my place where I ran to when I needed an escape. It was..........

I have never known true happiness before. Only did it come in short burst of joy before the tears set in. It was fleeting. It was over rated. It was frustrating. I would see so many people who were always happy and it would make me depressed. Why couldn't I have that? What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I be happy? What was happiness? How did one obtain happiness? Happiness was always confusing to me. It was strange. It was unreachable. It was...........

I have only known heartbreak. It is the inevitable end to the unachievable dream that so many people spend their whole lives chasing. A person says they love you and then rip your heart out. I have nothing left to break so does that mean I am free or merely jaded? You are expected to give your heart to someone, but what if you have nothing to give? Does that mean you are incapable of loving or being loved. I look inside to find that I have one sliver of my heart left and I wrap it up in bubble wrap and forbid anyone to get close enough to break it. Love was cruel. It was miserable. It was unjustifiably evil. It was..........

I have cast away the shadows and learned to walk in the light. I no longer fear what I see or what those around me can see. My flaws are what makes me beautiful. I have learned to live my life beyond my pain. It does not define who I am. It is a part of me but it is not me. I have learned how to be happy. I can smile now and know that it will not fade. Sure the depression might come but the clouds will eventually part and the sun will shine down once more.  I have learned that I am capable of loving and being loved. I can laugh, I can cry. I can be dark and light at the same time. I can gather my shadows around my heart or I can cloak myself in sunbeams. I am balanced. I am content. I am.............